God’s Gift for Marriage: Day 3

Written by Laura Barnes,Grace Kabaghe, Jacqueline Mphatso Kalenga, and  Amess Nthala Mwamdaza 

Mom: Good morning, Cynthia. Why aren’t you in your school uniform?

Cynthia: Good morning, Mother. Our teacher told us there wouldn’t be school today. She is going to her brother’s funeral. Some of my classmates said he died from AIDS.

M: I’m sorry to hear that.  We should take some time now to continue our discussion from yesterday. I think this early in morning we won’t be disturbed. Get some tea and come join me. 

C: What are we going to talk about today? Should I get the Bible.

M: Today we are going to talk about how sin entered the world and the lies that Satan tells us about sex. I need you to read Genesis 3.

C: All of it?

M: Yes. Read the whole chapter and then we can discuss it. (Read Genesis 3)

Remember at the end of Genesis 2 we read that the first man and woman were naked and unashamed. What happened to change that?

C: The woman and man believed the snake’s lie and both ate from the tree that God told them not to eat from. Then they noticed they were naked and they hid.

M: That’s right.  How did God punish them?

C: He told the snake that he and the woman would always be enemies. Does that mean women will always hate snakes?

M: Yes, but it is deeper than that. We know that the snake is Satan. He will always be trying to tempt all of humankind to sin. What else?

C: Pain in childbirth, difficulty working, and returning to dust. It’s so different from the way things were in Genesis 2.

M: You are totally right. Now that sin has entered the world, we see that the man and woman are experiencing shame. They are even hiding from God. The relationship between man and woman is even troubled.  Most of all Satan is constantly fighting against mankind, telling them lie after lie.  I want you to understand that we are in a battle against the enemy, Satan. He doesn’t want us to enjoy the good gifts that God has given us. He tells us many lies about sex.

C: What lies?

M: One lie would be that lust is the same thing as love.

C: What is lust?

M: Lust is when a person looks or touches another person with the desire to have sex with them. See, God wants us to only have those sexual desires for the person we are united to in marriage. Jesus says that when we lust after another person it is as if we have had sex with them. Lust is selfish, thinking about your own physical desires. Love is being patient, kind, not jealous, not boastful, not prideful etc… What other lies have you heard?

C: My friends say that we should practice sex before we are married. 

M: Why would she want to have sex before marriage?

C: I was told “practice makes perfect.” Also, it’s a good way to get money for make-up, hair products, new clothes, etc…

M: Satan works hard to get us to disobey God’s commands regarding this marriage gift of sex. He wants us to disobey God and have sex with people that we are not in a committed marriage relationship with. Satan has come to kill, steal, and destroy. When you have sex outside of marriage you are destroying your future. Sex outside of marriage is selfish, wanting physical pleasure alone, not thinking about what is best for the other. But sex within marriage is an act of love.  The church provides counseling about sex before couples marry. It is best to learn about sex with the husband that loves you and that you are committed to within the security of a loving, God honoring marriage. You don’t need practice.

C: I have also heard that if a man tries to have sex with me I should just give in. Is that true?

M: That is a lie as well. If anyone tries to force sex on you that is called rape. You should try to get away and tell a trusted adult.  Rape is a serious crime that should be punished. 

C: What if someone wants to give me a hug or a kiss?

M: That’s a good question. There are what we call safe touches and unsafe touches. Remember the difference between love and lust?  When someone touches and looks at another person with the thought of having sex with them that is an unsafe touch. When an adult does that with a child that is called sexual abuse.  A safe touch would be when an adult hugs or cares for a child out of love for them without any thoughts of sex.  Another lie Satan likes to tell us about sex is that we won’t have any consequences for disobeying God’s commands about sex.

C: Like what?

M: A consequence specific to sex outside of marriage could be getting a sexually transmitted infection?

C: What is that?

M: It is an infection that is spread through the skin contact and body fluids that are exchanged while having sex.

C: How do you know if you have a sexually transmitted infection?

M: First off, if you have not had sex or been raped by anyone you don’t have to worry about it. But if you have, you may have an infection and not have any symptoms. HIV is a sexually transmitted infection that doesn’t have symptoms for a long time so it is best for someone to get tested.

C: I was tested for HIV, but I have never had sex.

M: Yes, because HIV can be spread by blood too. It is important for everyone to get tested. Other infections may give you sores in the vaginal area, growths, vaginal discharge, even abdominal pain, and put you at risk for certain cancers.

C: What should a person do if they have these symptoms?

M: They should go to the hospital. Many of these infections can be treated with medicine, but some of the sexually transmitted infections cannot be treated and could cause problems throughout one’s life including sores that come back again and again, HIV, or even trouble with infertility.

C: If someone has infertility is it because they had a sexually transmitted infection?

M: No, No. Please don’t think that. There are many different causes for infertility. In fact the Bible has many stories of women that were infertile because God had a special plan for them.

C: I have always heard that you should not get pregnant before you are married. I guess that’s another consequence.

M: Yes. Pregnancy is another consequence of having sex outside of marriage. One of the reasons God designed sex to be between one man and one woman in a marriage is because that is his plan for the family. It takes a mother and a father to raise a baby.  When a girl gets pregnant before she is married she is pressured to have an abortion and that can be dangerous to her health. Also, abortion is killing the baby growing inside her. In Psalm 139 we read how God has plans for that baby even while he or she is being made inside the mother.  Adding the sin of killing to the sin of sexual immorality is never the answer. 

C: Yes, but raising a baby by yourself would be so difficult and everyone would know you had sinned.

M: Experiencing guilt and shame is a consequence of every sin. The Bible says that “all have sinned” so everyone of us has guilt and shame that must be dealt with. Today we talked about a lot of serious topics. Sexual immorality is a big problem.  But, tomorrow we will talk about God’s solution for the world’s struggle with sin. Tomorrow we will talk about God’s grace.

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